#RELATABLE

Source: Why I’m unapologetically proud of my drastically diminishing friend pool 

You’re never fully fit to adapt or qualify for how much life will change throughout your early adulthood. Beyond this, you spend every waking day constantly trying to face the daily pressures of becoming the ideal “grown ass woman”.

I’m standing on familiar ground.

The transition isn’t given to a consistency of gentleness or sentimentality. It’s a tough battle of trying to attain the elusive status of impeccable adultness.

While everything around you seems to be changing, like forfeiting rights to do certain childish things or the growing amount of responsibilities you need to take on, you have a shred of hope that none of it will affect the friendships you’ve made along the way or if a change does occur it would only translate to exponential growth.

But of course that didn’t happen to me. Yes it did hurt seeing the friendships I hoped would last a long time start to decay but the more I analyzed these friendships the more Chinese suddenly made sense.

See what I’ve come to be fully aware of is that people take for granted the term “friends”. We throw it around so nonchalantly marked by blithe unconcern when in actuality the people we use it on are on the same level and gravity as people we’re just well acquainted with. 

That’s one thing I’m thankful this early adulthood wisdom has shown me. It’s liberated me from the myopic tendency to treat issues such as friendship from a narrow localised perspective. I am unwilling to make or express an apology for saying all this and I really hope people don’t get butthurt over this but having this realization has enabled me to weed out the people who only want tangible things from me and keep the people who are around for an emotional interaction leaving my friend pool shallow but overflowing with quality.

I love Tyler Perry’s analogy in Madea goes to jail where Madea likened the people in our lives to the entities on a tree which are: the leaves, branches and the roots. In his/her (this really confuses me) long dramatic speech making up the dialogue in the play Madea advised Sonny (who’d recently gotten his heart broken) by telling him that a tree could have a hundred million branches but it’d only take a few roots down at the bottom to make sure that the tree gets everything it needs. She says that when you get some roots we must hold on to them. But the rest, like the leaves that are unstable because they move whenever the wind blows or the branches that seem strong but can break whenever we need to hold on to them, we could just let them go. 

One thing I wish Madea expounded on is at what point in time we incarnate the roots in our lives. I might be overthinking things but based on personal experience, whenever I plant a seed of friendship it usually grows so well at the start that people watch it develop every bit as bewitched as a groom at the alter. But then life happens and they tend to be overwhelmed by the harsh external conditions and decay as withering foliage. While I wish this was discussed I am willing it accept it to simply be one of the unexplainable lessons of life and rather focus on the roots I actually have in my life. 

They’re not in a seemingly endless amount but I’m quite content with that. These are the people in my lives who don’t know how to play mind games, manipulate others and masquerade around to get what they want. These people show me their scars and tell me their stories because they’re not ashamed of their mistakes. They hug me a little tighter, give me more than one kiss and stay for one more hour. They break the barriers of distance and time when we meet and find that nothing has changed. They radiate compassion and strength. 

I haven’t had these people all my life which adds value to the fact that such people can come into our lives at any point to make our lives better, teach us new things and show us what we were missing.

These are people from your university house mate who knows when I went for class and what I did (or didn’t do) before leaving the room and also how often I rewear certain items of clothing because she knows how much I dread laundry days. To the guy you tell everything about your day to and makes you laugh the hardest when when he does the silliest things like the unnecessariness of making the most realistic, dramatic fall when playing a game of charades. All the way to that girl who feels your pain when your heart breaks into tiny pieces and she gives you the words that you need to hear words that will give you comfort in addition to the layers of bacon, cheese and chips baked together in copious amounts because she knows food makes you happy. 

We don’t know everything about each other but we know enough. Y’all can count on me if you need help “burying the body” no questions asked! lol. We’ve bonded over the smallest and the biggest things. I am grateful for these friendships and I say friendships with the uttermost endearment. Such kinds of people wear their hearts on their sleeves and it’s refreshing especially during this battle of trying to become an “adult”because you make me vulnerable and I think it’s worth it. 

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