#RELATABLE

Source: Why I’m unapologetically proud of my drastically diminishing friend pool by foreverlizbeth 

You’re never fully fit to adapt or qualify for how much life will change throughout your early adulthood. Beyond this, you spend every waking day constantly trying to face the daily pressures of becoming the ideal “grown ass woman”.

I’m standing on familiar ground.

The transition isn’t given to a consistency of gentleness or sentimentality. It’s a tough battle of trying to attain the elusive status of impeccable adultness.

While everything around you seems to be changing, like forfeiting rights to do certain childish things or the growing amount of responsibilities you need to take on, you have a shred of hope that none of it will affect the friendships you’ve made along the way or if a change does occur it would only translate to exponential growth.

But of course that didn’t happen to me. Yes it did hurt seeing the friendships I hoped would last a long time start to decay but the more I analyzed these friendships the more Chinese suddenly made sense.

See what I’ve come to be fully aware of is that people take for granted the term “friends”. We throw it around so nonchalantly marked by blithe unconcern when in actuality the people we use it on are on the same level and gravity as people we’re just well acquainted with.

That’s one thing I’m thankful this early adulthood wisdom has shown me. It’s liberated me from the myopic tendency to treat issues such as friendship from a narrow localised perspective. I am unwilling to make or express an apology for saying all this and I really hope people don’t get butthurt over this but having this realization has enabled me to weed out the people who only want tangible things from me and keep the people who are around for an emotional interaction leaving my friend pool shallow but overflowing with quality.

I love Tyler Perry’s analogy in Madea goes to jail where Madea likened the people in our lives to the entities on a tree which are: the leaves, branches and the roots. In his/her (this really confuses me) long dramatic speech making up the dialogue in the play Madea advised Sonny (who’d recently gotten his heart broken) by telling him that a tree could have a hundred million branches but it’d only take a few roots down at the bottom to make sure that the tree gets everything it needs. She says that when you get some roots we must hold on to them. But the rest, like the leaves that are unstable because they move whenever the wind blows or the branches that seem strong but can break whenever we need to hold on to them, we could just let them go.

One thing I wish Madea expounded on is at what point in time we incarnate the roots in our lives. I might be overthinking things but based on personal experience, whenever I plant a seed of friendship it usually grows so well at the start that people watch it develop every bit as bewitched as a groom at the alter. But then life happens and they tend to be overwhelmed by the harsh external conditions and decay as withering foliage. While I wish this was discussed I am willing it accept it to simply be one of the unexplainable lessons of life and rather focus on the roots I actually have in my life.

They’re not in a seemingly endless amount but I’m quite content with that. These are the people in my lives who don’t know how to play mind games, manipulate others and masquerade around to get what they want. These people show me their scars and tell me their stories because they’re not ashamed of their mistakes. They hug me a little tighter, give me more than one kiss and stay for one more hour. They break the barriers of distance and time when we meet and find that nothing has changed. They radiate compassion and strength.

I haven’t had these people all my life which adds value to the fact that such people can come into our lives at any point to make our lives better, teach us new things and show us what we were missing.

These are people from your university house mate who knows when I went for class and what I did (or didn’t do) before leaving the room and also how often I rewear certain items of clothing because she knows how much I dread laundry days. To the guy you tell everything about your day to and makes you laugh the hardest when when he does the silliest things like the unnecessariness of making the most realistic, dramatic fall when playing a game of charades. All the way to that girl who feels your pain when your heart breaks into tiny pieces and she gives you the words that you need to hear words that will give you comfort in addition to the layers of bacon, cheese and chips baked together in copious amounts because she knows food makes you happy.

We don’t know everything about each other but we know enough. Y’all can count on me if you need help “burying the body” no questions asked! lol. We’ve bonded over the smallest and the biggest things. I am grateful for these friendships and I say friendships with the uttermost endearment. Such kinds of people wear their hearts on their sleeves and it’s refreshing especially during this battle of trying to become an “adult”because you make me vulnerable and I think it’s worth it.

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Follow the link to Maddy’s blog for more great posts! 

You Have to Do It for You – MADDY MARQ

I entered college like a lot of students do— with a singular goal to get a practical, employable degree. For me, that degree could be in one of three fields, or it wasn’t considered practical: engineering, business, or medical. I chose medical, because, you know. I like to “help people”.

Throughout my freshman and some of my sophomore year, I worked towards this. I shadowed, I studied constantly, working toward my medical school dreams.

Except, they weren’t my dreams.Medical school was a dream I thought I should have, and I thought people wanted me to have, and maybe they did. But it doesn’t matter what other people want you to do.

You have to do it for you. You have to live your life for yourself, the way that you want to, not the way your parents want you to, or your older sibling did, or the way you think will look best, and impress the most people.

People say that following a passion won’t get you hired, but how is pursuing something that makes you unhappy better?

Adults—parents—have this odd tendency. They go through life in one career, with friends in that career, and then, when they’re older, with kids, they decide that their path to success is the best one. And maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. In their defense, it’s a path they know works.

There is more than one road to success. This seems like such a no-brainer, but I honestly didn’t think there was as a freshman. I really, truly thought that I had to be a doctor, and that my grades were more important than my happiness.

It took sitting down and talking with a professor and role model to realize that there is a lot more out there than just STEM. It took even longer to realize I didn’t need a STEM career to prove to myself I was smart.

There is more than one way to quantify success. Success doesn’t have to mean a paycheck, or an advanced degree, or a Nobel Prize or Pulitzer. It doesn’t have to mean a 4.0, or a dizzying amount of extracurriculars. You get to define your own success; by happiness, by the difference your making, by the way you treat others. Success is unique to the individual.

I don’t know when I realized I hated the idea of going to school for 8 more years, and being in a hospital, and having to deal with real, actual pain, but I did. Maybe it was in the Emergency Room, when the little girl I had played with all week died, or when I vomited after watching a routine surgery, or one of the many nights I stayed up in the library panicking because I had to 4.0 this one.

But I realized it wasn’t what I wanted, or what I was cut out for and I made a change. You have to have goals for yourself, not goals that someone picked out for you.

You will never work as hard at something you aren’t passionate about as you will at something you are, and even if it is in an obscure and unlikely career path, hard workers get jobs. You just might have to do a little research to find out just what sort of job is right for you.

At the end of the day, you’re never going to make everyone happy, but that doesn’t matter. This is your life, not anyone else’s. Be it a degree, a job, or any sort of life change, you have to do it for yourself, not for them.

So girl! (An Interview With @natproctor) 

nat

With 10k followers on IG,  Natasha Proctor has got a lot of eyes on her. I hit her up for a chat about being curvy and confident. Dive in!


 

How are you?
N:  I’m good 😂

So girl! Everybody knows that you’re confident and you always look on fleek! But not everyone knows how you do it. What makes you confident?

N: What makes me confident?  Well, loving myself, accepting the way I am. And most importantly, not comparing myself to anyone.

Do you ever feel like you’ve gotta impress people with how you look? Considering that you are a popular girl. 

N: No I don’t have to impress people with how I look. Like, I don’t care what people think of me. I could leave the house without makeup on and wouldn’t feel embarrassed or anything. I could leave the house looking simple and still feel good yeah. I really don’t consider what people would think of me yeah. I just do me. I do what makes me happy,  what makes me comfortable.  I don’t live to impress people, I live for me babe. 

[Thank you for being real!! We need more girls who really do whatever makes them happy.]

People can be nasty right? What do you have to say to anyone who compares you to skinnier girls?

N: Yes people can be nasty and all. But it doesn’t bother me at all. Like, I don’t care about anyone’s opinion at all. Yes they do try to hurt my feelings but as a wise , mature person , I don’t take it to heart nor respond to their negativity. I ignore them and let God deal with them.

You’re a confident girl, who knows herself. 5 years from now where do you think your confidence will lead you?

N: Success babe… I’d be able to travel the world without having to budget. 

[#goals]

A lot of girls are branded “fat not thick”. What would you say to girls who get told this kind of mess?

N: Well,  some people brand me as “fat” but I don’t care at all. Coz I believe that I’m not. It’s like someone trying to convince me that a banana is orange yet it’s yellow. 

screenshot_20170206-123648
Natasha: thick and proud  in this African attire

Don’t know how to explain this but all I’d say is that they shouldn’t let what they are branded as get to them.  They should have this I don’t care attitude. 

Well said thank you so much.

N: You’re welcome babe

On a happier note! It’s no secret that you love fashion and aren’t afraid to look hot. Who are your fav celebs to look at for style inspiration? 

N: I don’t have any 😂😂 

[😂😂😂] 

If you could officially model shoes, clothes and accessories, which top 3 labels would you choose?

N: Puma, Tommy Hilfiger and Calvin Klein 

screenshot_20170206-123659

Get you a thick mami – natproctor

Finally the last question: what is the biggest lesson life has taught you?

N: Never expect to get the same treatment you give. 


Huge thanks to Natasha Proctor.

Check her out on instagram here

If your interested in more interviews, click on the title, scroll to the bottom and leave a comment or like!

​Guest Poem: From the Heart (By B)

 

The title…that’s where this that I’m going to put down is from…

The heart, that’s where love is from.

Two hearts beat together in sync. Made for one another, they beat a thump for a thump and thud for thud.

A melody so perfect is produced; a love so beautiful is witnessed by envious bystanders.

But nothing is ever really perfect. Slowly the melody changes note by note and soon loses its tone, its rhythm, its pitch.

Everything all-so-envied is lost creating undesired distance between the beating hearts.

They slowly drift apart. They slowly lose their song. 

Two hearts way too far from each other so each stand idle awaiting a sign – anything at all.

A familiar sound is what they get. A sound giving them the most comfort.

They are drawn closer and closer until finally they stumble upon each other once again.

Now they sit next to each other, joint by familiarity and comfort.

Reformed their melody, wrote their song afresh.

Two hearts beating in sync, a thump for a thump and a thud for thud.

Together they make a beautiful song, a song that will never reach its end.

Two lovers sunken deep in love…

…never want to leave each others side so they do anything to keep it blazing afire.

 

This was written by my lovely friend. xx  Thanks B ❤

 

Let Your Fro Grow – [Naomi Knott Serves Tips!!!]

 I don’t know about you. . .

. . .but its been a mission to get my natural hair to grow. I cut it once and it never grew again.

Clearly I was doing something wrong.

So I asked the gorgeous Naomi Knott to help me out with this.


Naomi is a hair stylist, her work is featured on her instagram feed. Take a peek at the HOT kinky curly crochet that she’s got!

 

If you’re looking for great hair, using imported products, Nay’s got it.

Naomi says,

 Hair should be considered our sanctuary

Lots of girls are going natural these days. It’s better!  All because no chemicals are used on your hair.

She draws inspiration from the hair and beauty youtuber  @kiitana

 

Top tips to help with your journey would be:

  • avoid heat it damages the hair follicles, drys it out and makes it frizzy
  • after washing apply leave in conditioner to your wet hair and leave overnight
  • use natural based products that don’t have sulfate, alcohol, parabens, sodium and phthalate
  • always wash your hair with lukewarm water
  • deep treat your hair once in a while
  • most important is to keep oiling your scalp to keep the hair hydrated

Naomi’s hair must-haves:

1. ARGON OIL 

TRY: The Body Shop, Wild Argon Oil P216
Store: CLICKS

 

download

 

 

 

 

2. COCONUT OIL

TRY: Palmer’s Coconut Oil Formula P42.35
 Store CLICKS

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3. CANTU LEAVE IN CO/REPAIR-CREAM

TRY: Cantu Repair cream P159.95
Store CLICKS

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4. DR. MIRACLES PRODUCT  RANGE

Store CLICKS 

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Other great products are

  • jojoba oil
  • avocado oil
  • extra Virgin oil
(In store prices may differ from those above)

HUUUUUGE thank you to the awesome Naomi Knott for her natural hair tips.

Check out her IG for updates on her awesome hair styles!

Glo'

A post shared by Naomi Knott 👑 (@nayyowemee) on

Leave comments and likes at the bottom of the page if you enjoyed the post!!

 

 

 

2017

Evidently I’ve had a wave of inspiration hit me and it has lunged me forward into another epic restructuring of my crazy beautiful blog.

‘What will 2017 hold?’ I sit here musing at how so much has changed from 2016; both outwardly and inwardly. And I can’t help but smile at how so much more is still yet to change.

So here’s to 2017, may it be as riveting and wild as God desires.

500 days of summer

Yesterday I sat down to read the script of 500 days of summer. The whole point was to expand my knowledge on script writing & film production. But it turned out to be so much more than that. The underlying message that stuck with me when I put down the script was that life isn’t made of fate or wishes that came true or didn’t. It’s simply a matter of actions and results.

This is especially true when it comes to love, relationships and heartbreak. For the longest time I was the generic high school girl who had a solid belief in fate, destiny or whatever you wanna call it. I believed in soulmates and trust me there’s no shame in that. But the problem came up when my “beliefs” turned me into an idealist, reality and basic common sense had pretty much evaporated from the surface of my brain. Crazy right?

I based my interactions with guys I was attracted to on this whole fate thing. I was the “it was meant to be” kinda girl. (Picture me rolling in a pit of embarrassment at this stage) I seriously ignored the fact that everything that happened between me and anyone whose face caused my heartbeat to sped up was simply a consequence of our actions. No divine force of nature brought us together, we just liked each other (or didn’t) because of the things we did.

It’s complicated to explain but easy to understand, I’ve finally figured out the obvious: if you do certain things you’ll get corresponding results. It’s logical. Once I got that down, I applied it to everything in my life; friendship, my school work, and all my goals. Since then I’ve seriously never been more okay about stuff that goes on around me.

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