500 days of summer

Yesterday I sat down to read the script of 500 days of summer. The whole point was to expand my knowledge on script writing & film production. But it turned out to be so much more than that. The underlying message that stuck with me when I put down the script was that life isn’t made of fate or wishes that came true or didn’t. It’s simply a matter of actions and results.

This is especially true when it comes to love, relationships and heartbreak. For the longest time I was the generic high school girl who had a solid belief in fate, destiny or whatever you wanna call it. I believed in soulmates and trust me there’s no shame in that. But the problem came up when my “beliefs” turned me into an idealist, reality and basic common sense had pretty much evaporated from the surface of my brain. Crazy right?

I based my interactions with guys I was attracted to on this whole fate thing. I was the “it was meant to be” kinda girl. (Picture me rolling in a pit of embarrassment at this stage) I seriously ignored the fact that everything that happened between me and anyone whose face caused my heartbeat to sped up was simply a consequence of our actions. No divine force of nature brought us together, we just liked each other (or didn’t) because of the things we did.

It’s complicated to explain but easy to understand, I’ve finally figured out the obvious: if you do certain things you’ll get corresponding results. It’s logical. Once I got that down, I applied it to everything in my life; friendship, my school work, and all my goals. Since then I’ve seriously never been more okay about stuff that goes on around me.

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Coming back.

Oooh well it’s been a while since I last visited my “sanctuary” this blog. Hmm. So much has changed and I’ve finally caught up with it.

Since my last post I’ve:

  • ditched a few friendships (some goodbyes were more heart-wrenching than others)
  • taken a closer look at who I can trust
  • become a total introvert and shied away from social media
  • found  two new lovers: kpop and kdrama…aigoo
  • had some time to introspect, look at who I was, am and want to be

Okay, I can’t summarise it all but that’s the gist of it, things have changed and so have I.

I realized while writing this comeback post that, my original intention for this blog was for me to help other people, but all that it has become is a place for me to help myself. To reflect and reconsider. To document, and archive, the person I’m becoming. It’s such a weird process: looking at yourself through a sort of camera lens perspective. Seeing yourself at 16 and judging that while 18, then you at 23 judging yourself at 18 and so on. Seeing yourself grow and change and discover, (which has been my mantra since forever lol) it’s such a satisfying thing. I’m rambling, at 15 I would have edited everything and made this post more readable, at 18 I don’t care if its readable, I care if its honest.

Exams are coming soon. Chincha. Once again, I feel pressured to live up to standards set up by others, kinda sucks. I also feel the need to make a point to people who’ve been calling me stupid, as rumours suggest. AND I have to worry about making good enough grades for varsity. It’s kind of a lot but I’m taking it in stride.

Okay. Okay. Enough about me, I wanna get to know the people who follow my blog. How are you? How’s your life?

Also I wanna send a huge apology to the people who were so nice to me when I first started blogging. My blogger friends that commented and supported me, made me feel comfortable with opening up and speaking – typing really – my mind. I don’t feel I gave you what you gave me, and I’m so extremely sorry for that.

See you in the comments I hope ❤❤❤

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We Are More Than Just Our Grades

We are in a world where education isn’t even about learning anymore, its about achieving or getting better grades than the person next to you. Going to school, doing homework and having lessons has even become damaging to our mental stability.

We shouldn’t have to sacrifice our mental health to do well in school.

I can’t even describe the countless times I’ve sat crying over something I don’t understand in Math or Physics. Learning isn’t learning anymore, it’s a competition, a fight to make sure that you make it in to university, it’s an unending journey to know but not really understand.

These facts make me sad, make me worried for future generations, for myself and for my friends. I guess all I’m trying to really say is we should do our best as people to learn and understand, find out what you’re good at, what you love or what you can use the to help the person next to you.

Maybe you like blogging, and you’re good at it, find out what you can do to improve your language skills, learn about communication, use what you’ve learned to make a difference, you don’t have to change the world, making a difference in one life even if it’s your own, is beyond good enough.

Maybe you’re good at art or you like it, take your time to learn about great artists, their inspiration. The same goes for any other interest or subject. Learn about what you love, learn about what you don’t love, learn to expand your horizons, to know more and understand more. Learn to love learning.

Nurture what you love and become the best that you can be at it. Everything will fall into place from there.

Tons of love Rafaella ❤

Relationship Goals?

I wanted to blog on this topic because its such a popular thing floating round the Internet at the moment. If you think I’m going to bash the whole thing, I’m not, and plus this post is meant for everyone: single or not, wanting to date or wanting to stay single. Whoever really.

I watched a video last night, on the whole ‘relationship goals’ concept that really changed how I viewed it. I’m not trying to kill the fun at all, because like most normal people I want one of those “relationship goals” type of things. But the truth is we, spend a lot of time trying to achieve a certain look or characteristic, all because we want to impress a person. Impress a person for what you ask? Well I’m no expert but I believe its because of the ideas social media feeds us. A lot of us now feel the need to attract someone and eventually be with them. Social media seems to tell us that if you’re not dating someone: you’re somewhat less of a person. And after all you become what you spend your time focusing on. That’s what happened to me; with my news feed constantly showing me what relo aims I should have, it slowly started to become the main thing on my mind and caused me to neglect other areas of my life to pursue “the perfect relationship.”

I’ve always believed that relationships are important, and are amazing once you’re in the right one. BUT lately I’ve started to believe in the in the importance of being alone. Simply not feeling obliged to join the relationship goals ‘cult’ just because its mainstream. The time we spend alone, helps us form who we really are, and then when we’re finally in a relationship its for all the right reasons.

xx Love Ella.

The Pressure To Be Me

There was a time (and there still is) when people were pressured by society to be like it. Robots; doing the same things, wearing the same clothes, listening to the same songs and reading the same books. We created a culture where diversity was spoken of but never achieved. Now society demands that we be ourselves, we are told to create a definite identity and be who we want to be.

What if I’m different on every different day?

The people in our lives walk around, seemingly sure of who we are (remember we do it to others too though). But how can they be, when we’re not sure ourselves? When we’re sad, we’re forced to act happy or when we’re happy about what excites us, we’re forced to contain our bursting selves, if we don’t take these measures to conceal our true feelings, then “something is wrong” or “we aren’t acting normal.” If this is you, (it’s definitely me), then remember that being yourself is being who YOU want to be. Not who you think you are perceived to be. Slightly cliche? Yasss I know. 😉

The truth is, we are an ever-changing bunch of misfits.Yes I said misfits. I’m one and maybe you’re one too. And our job as humans is to evolve, yeah I know I sound like your Biology teacher here, but its important that I get this out there. Change is a part of life. Change yourself, change the type of books you read, change your views, change your clothes (on a daily basis preferably) change, grow and discover.

Don’t give in to the pressure to be you.

xx ❤